When I started at the Moncton Market 7 years ago, I was selling vintage inspired aprons. While I enjoyed making aprons and they sold well, I found a love for body positive inspired hoops depicting empowered women with simple yet bold designs. They were a hit at the market and eventually I switched my focus to embroidery art.
I began to sew at a time where I had to slow down. My health was at an all time low. I didn’t have energy to do all the things I felt motivated to do or that I felt I should be doing. The lack of energy left me in a space of depression. I had feelings of worthlessness, unproductive, full of shame and guilt for not being the woman everyone expected me to be as a young mother. I felt a responsibility to take care of everyone else, yet wasn’t taking care of myself. I didn’t know how to take care of my self. My wants and needs didn’t seem important, I didn’t feel deserving.
Embroidery and art in general was a way for me to slow down and create at a pace that worked for me. I was able to sit or lay down, listen to a podcast or music while designing and creating new pieces. Keeping my hands busy while listening to a podcast also allowed me to better retain the information I was taking in.
I found a sense of purpose, peace and achievement from picking up a needle and thread to create something that would bring joy to myself and others.
Embroidery is a slow and peaceful art, one that requires you to sit back and relax. Allowing me to move into a space of active meditation. Active meditation is focusing on a task while being mindful in the moment. Slowing down, being aware of your breath, posture and your surroundings while focusing the activity you are working on.
Allowing myself to be in a space of meditation, I was able to work though a lot of my negative inner thoughts. I was able to process trauma and self limiting beliefs I had learned through years of living in a space of lack. I realized many of my difficulties were not a reflection of my inabilities but rather a result of living and growing up in situations where my needs were not met or prioritized. I began to realize that by slowing down, I was actually able to do more and be more. I realized that as an adult, I was able and responsible for meeting my own needs. I realized I must prioritize myself because as much as I loved the people around me, they were not prioritizing my health. I realized that because of my health and all of my experiences, I had to do things differently than most. I realized it was okay for me to do things differently. I realized others may not be able to understand why, and that was okay.
Putting my health and wellness above all left many questioning why I wasn’t doing more. As a smart and beautiful woman it was expected that I return to work to earn an income. Yet I knew myself and my body, I had to trust myself that I was doing what was best for me. I knew returning to work full time in a traditional job was not sustainable for me. I knew that I did not have the support I needed to maintain my health while working full-time and be present as a parent. I made the difficult decision to face the shame and guilt I felt in accepting social assistance to give me the time and space I needed to heal, build my strength and abilities. This meant using what I had to better myself, taking advantage of the free resources available to me in order to move myself into a better position.
Embroidery has given me more than I could of imagined when I first began. I found a place of self expression, a sense of purpose and a knowing of self. I found the value of living slow. I found peace in mindfulness. I found safety in the calm. I feel seen, appreciated and respected.
I now feel worthy and deserving of thriving, not just surviving.
Who would of thought that a simple needle and thread could be so revolutionary?
